The hardest (but best) thing I learned from a sleep coach
Earlier this year I got some sleep coaching from a cognitive behavioral therapist. I had been struggling with disrupted sleep patterns on and off for a few years, and during that time, I had been taking Chinese herbs and gotten acupuncture which provided some relief but didn’t fully resolve the problem. The cognitive behavioral therapist explained that we needed to retrain certain habits that were making it hard for my nervous system to settle into sleep, and that until that happened, many other interventions could only provide temporary relief.
I've written about sleep several times over the years (links below) but wanted to give you a run down of what I learned recently.
Previous posts on sleep:
Well-known techniques
Initially, my sleep coach talked me through all the well-known elements of sleep hygiene, many of which were already part of my normal routine:
Sleep in a cool, dark room
Use white noise to block out intrusive sounds
Avoid late in the day caffeine or alcohol
Keep a consistent bedtime
No screen time right before bed
After a couple of weeks we explored other things that I didn’t know as much about. They proved to be very very helpful but were a little more challenging to adopt. As a matter of fact, I would say thatthe technique that was the hardest to implement ended up being the most impactful.
Harder to implement, but so effective
Avoid naps that are longer than 20-30 minutes
Even after a hard night, it’s best not to take long naps, and if you are going to take a nap, make sure it’s short and 6-8 hours before bedtime.
Wake up at the same time each day
Even if you’ve had a hard night, don’t try sleeping in to make up for lost sleep. Urgh!
Get up if you've been in bed for more than 30 minutes without sleeping
This was the hardest thing to implement for me, but I also think that it was the most effective technique.Anytime I was in bed for more than 30 minutes without being able to fall asleep, whether that was at the beginning of the night or in the middle of the night, I was to get out of bed, leave the bedroom and engage in an activity that would make me sleepy.My sleep coach explained that this was an important part of retraining my brain to associate the bed with sleep.
She recommended doing something ‘boring’ like folding laundry, and that whatever activity I chose, it should not involve bright lights or screen time. What worked best for me was to go to the living room and read on the couch for a little while. Once I felt sleepy, I would go back to bed and usually fell asleep very quickly. She explained that feeling sleepy meant I should be at the point of having a hard time keeping my eyes open, and feeling like I was about to nod off.
It felt very hard to leave the bed when I was feeling tired and all I wanted was to sleep, but I do think that this was the most impactful change I made to my sleep habits. Before learning this technique, I loved reading in bed until I turned the lights off, and sometimes I would do so for up to an hour. Turns out that this habit disrupted my brain's association of my bed being the place to SLEEP. Now, I still read before bed, but if I want to read for more than 20-30 minutes, I go to the couch and read there before going to bed.
After about 6-8 weeks of consistently practicing these new habits, I had an easier time falling asleep and had far fewer nights of waking in the middle of the night, and being awake for several hours. While it did take some discipline and was a hard while I was in the process, it was absolutely worth the effort, and I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to talk to the sleep coach and add new techniques for a better night sleep.
Let me know if you'd like to learn more about these techniques, and know that acupuncture can be a great support while you integrate these new habits into your sleep routine.
